


Who said Bards had the Monopoly on Seduction?

by PaperBagGirl



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Budding Love, Comedy, DnD AU, I tried my best, M/M, Mention of Popeyes solely because I was craving Popeyes that day, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 08:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15659271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperBagGirl/pseuds/PaperBagGirl
Summary: When Ike was dragged to a DnD session by his roommate on a whim, he never expected he'd end up seducing the DM with a natural 20 roll.As it turns out, reality is sometimes stranger than fiction.





	Who said Bards had the Monopoly on Seduction?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katuray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katuray/gifts), [SebastianMoranhasarrived](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SebastianMoranhasarrived/gifts).



> For Kat and Seb who helped me brainstorm when I first started working on this prompt! I didn't manage to work in all of your great ideas, but it's a start.

When Ike first heard of DnD, he thought it was short for “do not disturb.”

To be fair, it wasn’t even an odd assumption to make, but when his roommate Ranulf invited him to join in on his “do not disturb” sessions a couple of weeks later, Ike choked on his bagel — prompting a very awkward conversation about the acronym’s real meaning.

As it turned out, DnD actually stood for Dungeons and Dragons, and from what Ike understood, it was some kind of game that involved role-playing, fighting, and a surprising amount of math. The role-playing and fighting, he could understand, but Ranulf and math — specifically, Ranulf doing math-related things in his spare time — that piqued his curiosity. And so he decided to accept Ranulf’s invitation to join in on their newest session, just as a spectator.

Though he wouldn’t have so readily agreed if he knew spectating meant waking up at 10 AM for their weekly session.

“And you’re sure we’re having Popeyes for lunch?” Ike groaned as he climbed up the stairs of the empty math building, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Scout’s honor.” Ranulf chuckled, signing a cross over his chest. “We always chip in for a family meal each week, despite complaints from a certain DM.”

“DM… that stands for dungeon master, right? As in the guy who runs the game?” Ike asked, frowning as he tried to recall all the terms his roommate had thrown at him the other night.

“Yeah,” Ranulf said, patting him on the back. “Our DM’s a real hardass, but he’s definitely a good one. If you have any questions, feel free to ask him.”

Ike nodded as they reached the fifth floor. Ranulf weaved down the complex hallways like an alleycat on familiar roads. Meanwhile, Ike followed him with a frown since _every_ wall looked exactly the same and he had no idea where they were going. Finally, Ranulf stopped in front of an innocuous windowless door and knocked three times.

“Password?” A gravelly voice came from behind the door.

“ _Mellon_ ,” Ranulf whispered back all suspicious-like.

Ike was just about to ask why he had just mispronounced the word “melon,” when the door swung open, revealing a short red-haired boy sporting the widest grin he’d ever seen.

“Ranulf, you’re here!” He said, coming forth to give his roommate a high-five. “Man, you’re the only one who answers properly. Sothe just tells me to hurry up and open the door already.”

“We don’t need a password when you can clearly hear our voices through the door, Tormod.” A voice replied in exasperation. Ike peered into the room to see a taller green-haired boy looking back at the redhead with a vexed expression. “Besides, if you wanted them to answer Mellon you should’ve said ‘speak friend and enter.’”

“Soooooothe!” Tormod cried, dragging out the name while lunging at his friend. “So you _did_ watch the Lord of the Rings after all!”

The taller one, Sothe, fended off his flying hug with a grimace but said nothing, causing the silver-haired girl sitting beside him to chuckle.

Ike looked on at the scene, confused but curious, just as a booming voice assaulted his eardrums. “Ranulf, you have come!” a tall, bulky man appeared before them, sporting a fiery mane of hair and a wide grin. As he stepped forward, he proceeded to pat Ranulf a little too hard on the back.

“Hey, Skrimir.” Ranulf wheezed.

“Hm? Is something the matter, Ranulf? You are unusually short of breath,” the man, Skrimir, asked in genuine concern.

“...Nah, it’s nothing,” Ranulf coughed weakly.

Ike recognized the name. Skrimir was Ranulf’s friend from way back, and in Ranulf’s words, he was a bit of a “lovable meathead”: lovable because he was open-minded and charismatic, and meathead because of his infamous scorn for strategy in organized sports. Skrimir’s preferred strategy was to hit hard, and when that didn’t work — hit harder. While Ike never had the chance to play against him, he had heard many stories about his victories. Turns out, strategy didn’t really matter when going up against someone stronger and faster than you.

“We were just waiting for the little one to arrive!” Skrimir said with a grin. “He said that he would be joining us as an… an...”

“As an NPC?” Ranulf chimed in.

“Yes, that!” Skrimir said. “A… non-playable character!”

“...Wasn’t that only if we kept failing rolls to stop you from charging into battle?” Ranulf said.

Just as Ike made a mental note on the new term, Ranulf pulled him into the room. “By the way, this is my roommate Ike. He was drawn in by my tales of adventure, action, and Popeyes so he’ll be spectating for today.”

“Nice to meet you, Ike! I’m Micaiah, the cleric,” the silver-haired girl said with a friendly smile, pulling on Sothe’s sleeve.

The boy turned towards Ike, untangling from Tormod, and slowly his eyes widened as Ike waved in his direction. Micaiah giggled, elbowing him in the side with a grin. “You’ll have to excuse Sothe here, he’s a big fan you see.”

“Micaiah!” Sothe hissed, jabbing her in the ribs.

“He’s got an old poster of you from your football days on the wall of his-”

Sothe silenced her with a glare, causing her to burst into a fit of giggles as Tormod sulkily felt up the lack of muscle on his own arm.

“Sothe’s our rogue, and Tormod is our wizard,” Ranulf explained.

“Oh, Ike Greil!” Skrimir laughed in recognition, clapping Ike on the back. “It is good to meet a fellow sportsman in these parts!”

“And Skrimir here’s the barbarian,” Ranulf said. “In case that wasn’t obvious.”

“Likewise, Skrimir” Ike smiled. He had been a little weary stepping so far out of his element, but seeing the friendly faces around the room helped him relax.

Just as he thought this, a cold voice sounded from behind him. “Move aside, tall ass.”

Ike blinked in surprise but did as the voice asked, unblocking the entrance of the room. As he looked over his shoulder, he saw a boy dressed in black enter from behind: books in his arms and a heavy backpack thrown over his shoulder. He moved quietly, like a wraith, his long black hair flowing behind him like a mantle.

Without a word, he took his spot at the front of the room and began unpacking his things. First came his laptop, then his books, and finally three bags full of dice of varying shapes and colours. Skrimir’s eyes brightened like a newborn puppy’s as the boy tied his hair into a hasty ponytail and looked up at them with shrewd red eyes.

“Little one!” Skrimir exclaimed. The boy’s eyes narrowed as he glared at Skrimir, causing the much larger man to sink into his seat in shame.

“And that’s our DM, Soren,” Ranulf hissed into Ike’s ear. “If you ever call him ‘little one’ like Skrimir here, a glare will be the least of your worries.”

“It seems like we have a new addition to the group today,” Soren said, his gaze boring straight into Ike. “Joining or spectating?”

“...Huh?” Ike asked, blinking in confusion.

“I said, are you joining or spectating?” Soren frowned.

“Well, I’d like to play, but I don’t know the rules very well,” Ike said honestly, meeting Soren’s gaze. “Ranulf helped me make a character last night but that’s about it, so I’m probably better off spectating.”

“Ranulf’s understanding of the game should be passable.” Soren mused. “Are you familiar with the plot of our campaign?”

“Um, there’s something to do with a Mad King that wants to take over the world?”

“You’re oversimplifying matters, but close enough,” Soren said with a sigh. “Give me your character sheet. I’ll have you spectate for a while and then find a way to write you into the story. Is that fine with you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Ike said, feeling like a student caught without his homework under Soren’s stern gaze — even as he handed him the character sheet.

Soren nodded and turned back to the usual group after a brief scan of its contents.

“If you recall from our last session, our group found shelter in Crimea, a small egalitarian country opposing the Mad King’s reign. The crown princess, Elincia, gave you access to the Royal Archives where you seek information about the Mad King’s sudden rise to power.”

“Ah, my miraculous persuasion roll,” Tormod puffed up his chest in pride, as Sothe rolled his eyes.

“In the Royal Archives, you managed to find a particular legend about an all-knowing sage who lives on top of a floating tower in the middle of the Lake of Loss. Your party has managed to brave the lake’s enchantment and have just reached the front door of the tower.” Soren summarized.

“I enter the building!” Skrimir said.

“Without knocking?” Ranulf asked dryly.

“Very well, I’ll knock first,” Skrimir assented. “It would be rude not to make our presence known.”

“Just as your fist approaches the door, it swings open, leaving just enough room for your party to pass through.”

“I want to roll a perception check,” Sothe said.

“Go ahead,” Soren said lightly.

“What’s a perception check?” Ike whispered to Ranulf as Sothe made his roll.

“Perception is your ability to notice clues, detect secret doors, spot imminent dangers, find traps, follow tracks, listen for sounds behind a closed door, or locate hidden objects,” Soren interjected before Ranulf could explain. “Currently Sothe is checking the tower for traps, and with a roll of 1, all he notices is that the tower is very large and made of stone.”

Sothe’s face blanched as his eyes flickered towards Ike. Micaiah giggled beside him, prompting him to frown in her direction.  

“Well, I doubt there’ll be traps right at the tower’s entrance,” Micaiah said through the giggles. “If the sage set traps at the very front door then there’d be rumours about him not wanting to be bothered, not rumours enticing people to come see him.”

“You should’ve said that sooner,” Sothe grumbled.

Micaiah smiled and said, “I may be a cleric, but I serve the goddess of chaos, remember?”

Sothe groaned as Tormod piped up. “Hey, you never know, maybe the sage spread those rumours as a trap! Maybe he wants to lure unsuspecting adventurers in for some nefarious act!”

Ranulf faked a gasp. “And maybe he’s secretly working for the Mad King, himself!”

“Then we must not dally and defeat this sage!” Skrimir shouted. “I charge in there with my greatsword ready.”

“Skrimir, we were just joking!” Ranulf groaned.

“Too late,” Soren smirked. “As Skrimir enters, a strange force pulls your party inside.”

“Not again,” Sothe groaned.

“As you look around, you see a plane of green stretching as far as the eye can see,” Soren said, suddenly slamming a book shut, causing Ike to nearly jump in his seat.

“What was that?!” Tormod yelped.

“You look back to see the door you entered from slam shut. Only, it's no longer attached to the stone tower, but standing upright against the ground, surrounded by nothing but sky.”

“I try to reopen the door,” Sothe said.

“As you approach, vines appear from the ground below, creating a hedge between you and the door within seconds,” Soren said with a smirk. “And before you know it, a hedge maze has sprouted around you, boxing you in from all sides. Luckily your party does not appear to have been split up.”

“I cast Fire Bolt at the hedge!” Tormod exclaimed.

“The spell merely singes the hedge, but scrawled writing appears in the place that you tried to set on fire,” Soren said, turning his laptop towards the group, revealing a text blurb. The words said: fellow adventurers, I have left my mark on the walls leading towards the exit. Follow the signs and you will find your way out. “After reading the words, the text disappears, swallowed by vines.”

“Looks like it’ll be perception checks for everyone!” Ranulf grinned.

And as per his suggestion, all the party members attempted to roll to see who would find the clues first, but Soren simply shook his head and said that no signs were visible. Skrimir tried to hack through the vines, but despite his high rolls, the maze could not be damaged.

“Hey, why don’t you try the fire thing again?” Ike piped up as the team descended into silence.

Soren raised an eyebrow as Ranulf turned towards him. “What do you mean, Ike?”

“I mean, the message appeared when you used fire, so maybe more messages will appear if you keep using fire,” Ike said.

Tormod shrugged. “It’s worth a try. Okay, I use Fire Bolt on the hedge again!”

“Which wall?” Soren asked.

“Uh, the same one?” Tormod said.

“The same message appears again before being swallowed by vines,” Soren smirked, looking at Ike appreciatively.

“Woohoo, we got it!” Tormod exclaimed, high-fiving an unprepared Sothe, only to accidentally slap him in the face.

“Excellent work, my fellow sportsman!” Skrimir laughed, clapping Ike on the back, ignoring the two kids tussling behind them. Ranulf flashed a thumbs up at him from over Skrimir’s shoulders.

Soren regarded Ike in curiosity for a moment before proceeding with the puzzle. As it turned out, using fire on the maze activated the mysterious messages, so whenever they came to a crossroads, all they had to do was torch the walls to find the marks indicating the exit and follow it out.

Like that, they passed the first floor of the tower and proceeded onto the next.

The second floor was a stone garden decorated with statues of beasts. All seemed quiet and peaceful, except for one lone skeleton found with bite marks on its skull. It lay sprawled on the ground, the word “beware” half-written on one of the stones. With an easy perception roll, the party matched the handwriting to the one from the maze.

But as Micaiah moved to bury the body, the beast came to life, forcing the party into combat. Micaiah took some damage, but when Skrimir attacked with his greatsword, he rolled a critical hit, taking the bear down in one blow.

From that moment on, the party tried their best to avoid the stone statues. But as they proceeded through the stone garden, the statues grew closer in proximity, causing the group to take time deliberating the optimal way out.

“Bah, this is folly! I charge in there!” Skrimir all but roared. “The beasts go down with a single swing of my blade. We can take them!”

“I move to persuade him not to,” Ranulf jumped in. “And I want to roll for it.”

“Okay, it’ll be your persuasion against his insight,” Soren said.

Ranulf and Skrimir rolled at the same time, revealing a 2 and a 12 respectively.

“Yes!” Skrimir shouted. “Even with your… your...”

“My modifier?”

“Yes, that! Even with… _that_ , you still can’t beat my roll!”

“I move to knock him out,” Sothe chimed in.

“Roll for it,” Soren said blandly.

This time, Sothe did, in fact, succeed in knocking Skrimir out, preventing a definite disaster. The party slowly moved forward, with Sothe carrying Skrimir’s limp, unconscious body around the area. Every few turns Soren would give Skrimir a chance to wake up and join the action, but Skrimir kept getting single digit rolls. In fact, he only succeeded after the party won their battle, effectively missing all of the action.

With the second floor cleared, Soren stopped the session, taking the chance to have a break for lunch. As Ranulf pooled the money together and called Popeyes for delivery, much to Ike’s surprise, the raven-haired boy slipped away from Skrimir’s attempt at conversation and approached him.

“How would you feel about joining in on the next floor?” Soren asked, looming over Ike (or at least as far as he could loom given his short stature).

“Um, am I really ready?” Ike asked. “I mean, the fire thing was just dumb luck.”

“You’ve seen puzzles and you’ve seen combat. Interactions with NPCs are like that between players, you can talk to them to try to convince them, but more often than not, you roll if you want something to happen,” Soren explained lightly. “It won’t be difficult once you get used to it.”

“I don’t mind, but how are you gonna write another character into the story 3 floors in?” Ike asked, regarding Soren with curiosity.

“You can be the sole survivor of a previous adventurer’s group that traveled to the tower,” Soren said. “You join with the main group to clear the tower, and afterward choose to stay in their party permanently. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, that's fine with me,” Ike said. “Though I’m honestly not sure how well I’ll do with the roleplaying part. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Soren said, his words dripping with sarcasm. “But I digress, if you’re having trouble thinking of a character, just be yourself. I’m fairly certain that’s what everyone in this group does anyhow. But if you think you want to roleplay in the future, just play the character as an amnesiac. And when you figure out what you want to play as later on, you can just miraculously cure him afterward.”

“Alright then, thanks.” Ike nodded, flashing him a smile. “Ranulf’s right, you really are a good DM.”

Soren froze for a moment, staring at Ike incredulously. After a good ten seconds, he snapped back and muttered something under his breath before sulkily returning to his seat at the front of the room.

It was then that the food arrived, the scent of fried chicken pushing Ike’s concerns about their moody DM out of his head. Micaiah made a beeline for the side of cajun poutine, and Sothe did the same for the drumsticks. Tormod sandwiched a piece of chicken leg in between two biscuits while Ranulf doused his chicken breast with ketchup.

Ike munched on the nearest chicken leg, watching the group happily eating — with the distinct exception of one person. Soren sat at the front of the room nibbling on a sandwich wrapped in cling wrap, frowning as Skrimir tore through his food, sending drops of oil splattering onto his table.

It was a strange group, headed by an even stranger DM, but Ike decided that he rather liked it here.

“Ok, so we’re going up to the third floor, right?” Tormod piped up, finishing off his makeshift sandwich.

“Yes,” Soren said curtly, opening up his laptop once more. “Those of you that haven’t finished can eat as you play.”

Ranulf leaned back into his chair and flashed a thumbs up as Micaiah nodded amicably while fending off Sothe’s attempt to steal some of her gravy.

“You make it up to the third floor to find a field of giant flowers. Violets tower over you and Roses threaten to impale you with their thorns. Just as you were about to look around the place, you hear rustling from the leaves nearby.”

“Who has initiative again?”

“I do. I attack with my dagger,” Sothe said.

Soren’s lips twitched. “You stab Ike just as he comes out of the bushes. Roll for damage.”

Sothe’s face burned as he picked up the six-sided dice and rolled for damage. Micaiah proceeded to laugh her head off at this as Ranulf snickered into a hand. Ike looked somewhat accusingly at Soren. Soren looked back and smirked.

“Sorry...” Sothe muttered as Micaiah used Cure Wounds to heal Ike back up to full.

“Uh, it’s ok. I startled you after all,” Ike said. “I guess I should introduce myself then. I’m Ike, and I’m a fighter… but that’s basically all I know.”

Ranulf whistled. “So that’s what you and Soren came up with? Amnesia?”

“Yeah, it was his suggestion,” Ike said plainly.

“Let’s try not to break character,” Soren tutted. “Anyway, being a party of good people, you decide to allow Ike to join your group.”

With the new addition, the group continued exploring the garden, looking for the entrance to the fourth floor. Suddenly, Soren spoke, interrupting their musings. “Everyone, roll for a perception check.”

“Not again!” Tormod yelped. “RNG Gods, please give me a high roll. Please give someone a high roll!”

“RNG?” Ike whispered to Ranulf.

“Random number generator,” Ranulf replied as he rolled his dice.

Ike followed suit and rolled a 6. Looking around, he saw that the others had rolled around the same, except for Skrimir of all people.

“I rolled a 18!” Skrimir laughed, “Now what do I notice, little one?”

“You notice a buzzing noise approaching,” Soren said. “Looking up, you see a giant bee hovering above you.”

“I attack it with my greatsword!” Skrimir shouted before anyone else could respond, naturally rolling his dice for damage.

After punching in a couple of keys into his laptop, Soren replied. “Unfortunately, the bee did not die from the attack. It escapes just out of your line of sight into the shrubbery.”

“It ran?” Ranulf said, stroking his non-existent beard. “Knowing Soren, that’s not a good thing.”

“Moments later, you hear a loud buzzing fill the air,” Soren smirked, affirming Ranulf’s guess.

“We run,” Sothe said.

“As you dash through the shrubbery, the sound only gets louder.”

“Looks like there’s no point to running,” Ike said. “Let’s stand and fight.”

Skrimir laughed. “In the end, we must face our enemies head-on!”

“Through the bushes come a swarm of giant bees, surrounding your party completely.”

“How many bees are there?” Micaiah asked.

“10,000.”

Ike frowned. “How are we supposed to beat 10,000 giant bees?”

“That just means we’ll have to get creative,” Ranulf grinned.

“How far away are the bees?” Tormod asked after a moment.

“The closest ones are hovering about 20 feet away while the furthest ones are over 100 feet away,” Soren said.

“Shoot, I can’t get all of them to sleep.” Tormod frowned.

“Why don’t you just put some of them to sleep and then fight the remainder?” Micaiah suggested.

“It seems like we don’t have much of a choice,” Tormod frowned. “I cast sleep on the swarm of bees!”

“Three-quarters of the bees fall asleep, while the remainder of them seem alarmed by their comrades' sudden drowsiness. The remaining bees circle you wearily.”

“Enough chatter!” Skrimir laughed, picking up a die. “Let us fight! I attack the nearest bee with my greatsword!”

“Not again...” Ranulf facepalmed.

Soren looked down at the roll. “Your attack manages to tear a wing off the nearest bee but it survives and counterattacks you for… 4 points of damage.”

Skrimir frowned as Soren continued. “The remaining bees become enraged. 7 other bees come out from the group to attack. One goes for Micaiah, one for Sothe, two for Skrimir, two for Tormod, and one for Ike.”

“I use sneak attack on the one near Micaiah,” Sothe said without hesitation, causing the silver-haired girl to smile warmly.

“With sneak attack’s bonus, the bee goes down in one hit,” Soren said, calculating the damage in his head. “Two more bees swarm towards you.”

“We won’t last at this rate,” Ike frowned.

“They’re weak though!” Skrimir roared. “We can take them!”

“Ike’s right,” Ranulf said. “Even with three-quarters of the bees asleep, that’s still 2,500 bees. We can’t possibly last that long. Not everyone’s going to crit, after all.”

“Plus sleep will only last so many rounds,” Tormod piped up.

Suddenly, Ranulf’s gaze shifted, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Wait, I have an idea. I want to cast Minor Illusion.”

Soren raised an eyebrow. “Alright, what do you make an illusion of?”

“A hot lady bee!” Ranulf said with complete confidence.

Ike didn’t know who began laughing first but before long the room was filled with giggles and chortles of all sorts — save one person.

“Worker bees are all female,” Soren said dryly.

“Hey, they could be lesbians!” Ranulf retorted.

“You’ve been hanging out with Heather, haven’t you?” Soren grumbled. “Fine, we’ll roll for it. Roll your D20.”

Ranulf picked up his dice, blew on it for good luck and rolled a 20.

“Yes!” Ranulf laughed.

“...Fine,” Soren said, his eyes narrowing. “Your luck is exceedingly good, and it turns out the bees are in fact, lesbians… all… 2,499 of them. Anyway, it works. They’re momentarily charmed by your minor illusion, giving you and your team a chance to escape.”

“We run,” Ike said. The others nodded back empathically, except Skrimir, who insisted he could’ve taken the swarm.

After finding ways to dodge the bees and a few more lucky rolls, courtesy of Ranulf, the party successfully found the door to the 4th floor.

“Your party enters through the wooden door only to find yourselves in a simple room. It’s completely empty except for a single book on a stand in the middle of the room.”

“I check the book for traps,” Sothe said, rolling a 17 on perception.

“There does not appear to be anything of note, magical or otherwise,” Soren said.

“Ok, then let’s approach the book!” Tormod said, excitement spreading across his features. “I sense a puzzle!”

“As your party approached the stand, the book flips open on its own, revealing words written in ink and a quill sandwiched between pages.” Soren paused, turning his laptop around to reveal yet another passage written in calligraphy.

 

_Of hedge, of stone, of flower_

_They called it a _ _ _ _ _ _, but I called it a cage._

 

“I think we’re supposed to fill in the blank,” Tormod pondered. “Of hedge, of stone, of flower… what did those three have in common again?”

“Well, the first floor was a hedge maze… but maze doesn’t really apply to the other two.” Ranulf scratched his head.

“Well, we did look for the exit in all of them,” Sothe muttered.

“Then let’s try that!” Skrimir said.

“But look at the number of blanks. The answer should be 6 letters long.” Micaiah frowned.

“Hedge, stone and flower...” Ranulf muttered. “Well, they were all outdoors. But if it’s asking what they were...”

Ike frowned. He was never much of a puzzle person, so normally he would have left the ideas to the others, but as his gaze wandered along with his mind, he caught sight of Soren, looking at them with expectation in his eyes.

And suddenly Ike remembered something.

When Soren was describing their surroundings, he had often used one word in particular.

“Hey, why don’t we try ‘garden’?” Ike suggested.

“No way,” Ranulf shook his head. “Who uses the term ‘hedge garden’ anyway?”

“Isn’t there a hedge garden right by the biology building?” Micaiah chimed in. “It’s got hedges clipped into all kinds of shapes!”

As Ranulf pondered this, Skrimir chimed in. “Very well! We shall try this ‘garden,’” Skrimir said. “Little one, is garden the correct answer?”

“Why don’t you write it in the book and see?” Soren said lightly, and for a second Ike doubted whether his answer was even correct.

“It’s ok Skrimir. It’s my answer, I’ll write it in,” Ike spoke up. He wasn’t confident he was right, and he didn’t want to see someone else take responsibility for his mistakes.

“I’ll be ready with the heal spell,” Micaiah said with a smile.

Soren stared at Ike for a full two seconds before he spoke again. “It takes a second but the book glows, enveloping the world in a blinding light.”

“Uh, is that good or bad?” Ike whispered to Ranulf.

“No idea,” Ranulf whispered back.

“Your eyes focus and you find yourselves in a library that seems to extend onward to infinity. An open book lies beneath your feet titled, ‘Garden.’” Soren said.

“Wohoo! We got it right!” Tormod cheered.

“I still can’t believe hedge gardens are an actual thing,” Ranulf sighed.

“Well done, Ike!” Skrimir laughed. “The sage we must defeat surely must be here! I move to explore the library.”

“Just as you’re about to move, a voice comes from out of nowhere.” As he said this, something in Soren’s mannerisms shifted. He raised his chin and leaned back ever so slightly in his seat, every inch of his body radiating an aloof indolence.

 _“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,”_ Soren said, his tone light and completely different from his usual manner of speaking. _“If you leave the vicinity of your book, you’ll be cursed to remain in this library forever.”_

And then, as suddenly as it had come, his voice shifted back to his usual one. “You turn around to see a small boy sitting on a couch, a book in his hand. He’s dressed in rags, only a little more than skin and bones, his hair a long, tangled mess — and yet he doesn’t feel out of place in this luxurious library. In fact, it’s like he’s an extension of the library itself.” Soren said.

Ike blinked, stunned by his transformation. Ranulf grinned and elbowed him in his side, waking him from his stupor. “Pretty cool, huh? That’s one of Soren’s selling points: he really works on making his NPCs come to life.”

 _“Shhh. There’ll be no breaking of the 4th wall in the cursed library.”_ Soren muttered, reverting back to his new persona as he studied his nails absent-mindedly.

“Uh, sorry,” Ike muttered an apology. “Um, so are you the all-knowing sage we were looking for?”

Soren sighed. _“You aren’t the first to ask me that, and you won’t be the last.”_ He looked up, straight at Ike with indifferent eyes as he spoke. _“In a sense you are correct, I am likely the sage of legend, but the all-knowing one is not me, but this library._ ”

“What do you mean? What exactly is this place?” Tormod asked, tapping his chin in contemplation.  

 _“I don’t know, but like you, I came to this library through a book I had discovered,”_ Soren explained. _“The book distorted reality, making obstacles and challenges. Finally, after overcoming them under the threat of death, I answered the final riddle and was teleported here.”_

“That sounds a lot like our situation,” Ranulf mused. “So I’m guessing there are other books like the one we found scattered everywhere.”

 _“From my experience here, I believe your guess to be true,”_ Soren said quietly. _“At first, I was… overjoyed to find this place. However, after I stepped off its pages to explore the library, I discovered that I could no longer return to my original world.”_

“I see… Then many thanks for your warning,” Sothe said.

Soren nodded numbly before continuing his explanation. _“From what I gather of the place, this is some sort of cursed library. It allows you to find any information you seek, but in return, you will not be allowed to leave.”_ He paused, shifting to a more comfortable position while curled up in his chair. _“Well, I never wished to return anyway, but I could see how the curse may prove troublesome for someone else, so I merely warned the next person who arrived of the curse and helped them look up their desired information. Who knew that man would mistake me for a sage and spread word of my existence throughout the land?”_

“Well then, I hope you can help us out as well!” Ranulf smiled. “We’re looking for information on an Ashnard. But maybe you’ll find information about him under Mad King or Tyrant of Daein.”

“The boy freezes in his movements and slowly turns back to face you with fire in his eyes,” Soren said. _“...Did you say Ashnard?”_ he all but snarled.

“Yeah, what’s it to you?” Ranulf asked, raising an eyebrow.

Soren laughed self-mockingly, and for an instant, it looked too real — too raw for a mere act. _“You won’t need to find a book on him, I am enough,”_ he whispered _. “Enemies of Ashnard, meet… his bastard son.”_

“Woahhh!” Tormod exclaimed, his eyes shining with expectation.

“If you’re the Mad King’s son, then are you friend or foe?” Skrimir asked, his expression surprisingly serious.

 _“Is it not obvious? If I were loved, I’d be dressed in silks and living in the palace, not dressed in rags and trapped in a cursed library.”_ Soren winced, his voice becoming quieter the more he spoke. And for a second, the character came to life for Ike. Instead of Soren the DM sitting in the chair, it was the boy who had been abused by his maniacal father sitting before him — and Ike had the strongest urge to comfort the boy. To take him into his arms and tell him that everything was going to be ok.

“So do you know how he managed to come into power?” Sothe said, breaking Ike out of his thoughts.

 _“While my father had always been madman driven by conquest, he only rose to power after he found the medallion,”_ Soren said, flipping open one of his books to show a drawing of a medallion wreathed in blue flames. _“I only managed to catch a glimpse of it once, but I’m nearly certain that the medallion my father uncovered was the legendary vessel of the evil god.”_

“I have proficiency with religion,” Micaiah piped up. “Can I roll to see if I know anything on this evil god?”

“Go ahead,” Soren said, regaining his calm.

Micaiah rolled a 13, which was evidently just enough for her to recall information on the evil god.

“You now know the next step to your journey. You must travel to the religious capital of the continent and uncover clues about the evil god.” Soren announced. “The boy passes you the book on the medallion and as you prepare to leave, he says: _Please, get revenge on my behalf as well_ ,” Soren said, a tiny vulnerable smile on his lips.

And like that, something in Ike just snapped.

“Wait, I don’t wanna leave yet.” Ike blurted out, just as Soren rewarded them a level. “Let’s try to save him.”

“Uhh… what?” Ranulf said.

“Let’s try to save him,” Ike reaffirmed. “I don’t want his story to end this way.”

“Ike, we’re only level 3. I doubt there’s anything we can do for him now,” Micaiah said. “How about we come back later to save him?”

Soren shook his head, interrupting their thoughts. “Each person may only come to the cursed library once in their lifetime. If they could keep going back for infinite knowledge, it would be far too broken.”

Ike frowned. “Well the boy can get close enough to pass us the book, so what’s stopping him from coming with us? There’s no rule that you have to leave through your original book and he’s definitely from our world, right?”

Soren sighed but humored Ike. “The boy reaches for you but his hand is blocked by a thin barrier.”

“Is the barrier round or like a wall?”

“It’s round, like a dome surrounding the book.”

“He’s standing really close, right?” Ike asked. “What if I just reach out and pull him in? If I’m connected to him, will the barrier separate us as well?”

“That’s...” Soren said, somewhat perplexed.

“What if we destroy the library then?” Ike frowned, sensing that this line of question wasn’t getting him anywhere. “The place can’t trap him if it no longer exists.”

“I like the way you think!” Skrimir laughed. “Heroes should dream big, after all!”

“....Why?” Soren muttered, his expression unreadable. “...Why are you trying so hard to help?”

Ike paused, realizing that perhaps he had become a little too impassioned. “I just thought that it’s a shame. This boy didn’t have a good life, and now he’s trapped here all alone without a single friend. I… I don’t want to leave him here.”

Soren looked at Ike with a complicated gaze, and Ike looked back, determined to end the session on a high note.

“Why don’t you just roll for it?” Ranulf said. “That’s normally Soren’s rule, right? If there’s a disagreement, roll on it.”

Soren frowned but Ranulf kept speaking. “You can just make the roll requirements really high, but might as well give him a chance, right? I mean, if 2,499 bees can all be lesbians, I’m sure there’s a way for this kid to leave the library _somehow_.”

Ike flashed Ranulf a grateful smile as Soren sighed. “Fine, roll your D20 to see if it’s possible to leave the cursed library.”

Ike picked up the D20 and rolled without hesitation. In truth, he knew that it was probably against Soren’s plans to bring the boy out of the library, but it wouldn’t sit right with him not to try. Both Ranulf and Soren had told him to play the game his way, and this was what he wanted to do.

As the 20 sided dice stilled, Soren’s expression darkened, because the number displayed was a 20: critical success.

Ike smiled up at Soren, “I guess I’ll be taking him out of the library then.”

“Wait!” Soren interrupted. “There’s still the problem of the boy even wanting to go along with you. He’s been abused for most of his life and this library is his sanctuary, his only safe place. Why would he want to follow you back to that horrible, horrible outside world?”

“So he can watch us kick his dad’s ass,” Ike said bluntly.

“You’re going to have to roll on it,” Soren said, his eyes narrowing.

With knit brows, Ike rolled his dice again. Sadly, his lucky streak did not continue as he only rolled a 16. Normally a 16 would’ve been sufficient, but Ike had a feeling that unless he consistently rolled 20’s, the boy would not be leaving with him.

“The boy seems to waver for a second but refuses to take your hand,” Soren said. “He says that while tempting, if he left, he wouldn’t be able to come back so he’d rather not come along.”

Ike sighed and began putting away his dice: he had already done all that he could. But just before he put away the final D20, Ranulf chimed in. “Wait, there’s still something you can try,” he said. “You could always try seducing him.”

Soren froze as Ike looked at Ranulf with surprise. “I didn’t know you could do that to NPCs.”

“Sure you can!” Ranulf grinned, “I mean, I seduce NPCs to get out of things all the time.”

“Alright then, I roll to seduce him.” Ike said plainly, turning back to face Soren.

“Y-you don’t have much of a charisma modifier, so you won’t be able to succeed even if you roll a 20.” Soren stuttered out.

“He can act it out,” Micaiah chimed in, her eyes sparkling with glee. “If he acts it out, he gets a bonus, right?”

“W-well, yes but...” Soren said, his cheeks flushing.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Ike said. “I uh… I know this is really sudden but you… you don’t deserve this. You deserve to be out there, happy, surrounded by people who love you. And, erm… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d be happy to be one of those people.” Ike looked up at Soren and saw the boy’s breath hitch and his cheeks flush. Ike too felt his heart beat faster as he gazed upon his very flustered DM. “So yeah… I like you. I want to be with you, and I’d prefer if you came with me rather than me staying here.”

“You… you’re offering to stay?” Soren asked incredulously.

“Well, yeah,” Ike said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean, it’s not like I’m very attached to this character so I wouldn’t mind leaving him behind and just making a new one. If anything, I’d regret not doing anything for this boy more.”

Soren sputtered something unintelligible and Ike smiled at the sight. He decided that he really liked seeing Soren’s flustered face — in fact, he had a strong urge to run his thumb against the red of that cheek.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a die clattering and finally rolling to a stop. Ike looked down and realized that the 20 sided dice he had been holding had fallen out of his grip. And lo and behold, his unconscious roll was, in fact, a natural 20.

Soren took in a sharp breath as he looked down at the roll. Finally, after several moments, he shook his head helplessly and relented. “Very well. The boy looks at you for a very long time, but eventually, he reaches out and takes your hand. In one fell swoop, he dives into your embrace, whispering: _then take me away from here._ ”

And with that, the session ended: with Soren slowly regaining his calm and the players chattering about today’s spectacular events. Ike was congratulated by just about every player at the table, but his mind was elsewhere — his gaze focused on the boy dressed in black, packing up his bags.

“You are so gone,” Ranulf chuckled as he packed up his things.

Ike gave his roommate a look, but Ranulf just snickered mischievously and pointed to something over his shoulder. “Don’t look now but your new boyfriend is coming our way.”

Ike spun around to see Soren standing behind him, looking up at him with calm eyes. “Ike Greil, you’ve just messed up the power balance of this entire campaign,” Soren said. “Now I have to go back and figure out how I’m going to add this character into your travels without breaking the game completely.”

“Really?” Ike frowned. He didn’t realize that his whim had caused so much trouble for their DM.

“Yes… but… I suppose that’s what makes this game interesting,” Soren said, a hint of a smile ghosting his face.

“Anyway, you’ll have to arrange a private session with me to figure out the backstory of your in-game character,” Soren said, suddenly serious. “Besides, since you are currently romancing my character, I’ll need to figure out their relationship dynamic going forward. When are you normally free?”

“Um, I’m actually free right now,” Ike said, perhaps a little too quickly.

“Very well then, let’s see if we can find a table at the library to discuss this further,” Soren said as he disappeared through the doorway. Just before the door closed behind him, Ike swore he saw a small smile on his lips.

Seeing that smile, Ike figured that he’d be playing DnD for a long while yet.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I'm still a Measured fangirl x) I've got another gift in the works, but that one's projected word count is a staggering 20k so... yeah, that's on hold at the moment. 
> 
> Anyway, DnD AU simply because! ^^ I've only ever played DnD once as a level 1 bard who totally flubbed the "A Most Potent Brew" mini-adventure by not bringing a healing spell when the DM very overtly hinted at bringing one (whoops), soooo there may be inaccuracies. I tried to make it somewhat friendly to the average reader by explaining some of the terms as the game progressed, but this hasn't been betaed so I can't be sure it worked out the way I wanted it to.
> 
> I probably should've waited for my betas to get to this but... instant gratification is too hard to resist XD
> 
> Also, there is a sequel to this planned (which is why it's not going into my one-shot collection) so you might get a chapter 2 but ONLY if it works out. I still haven't hammered out the details yet and this works well enough as a one-shot so we shall see. I've gotten a job offer, so don't expect it any time soon is all ;;; oof ;;;
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoy ^^


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